Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
