I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
