mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
