So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
