i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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