So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
