He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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