And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
