dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
