i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
