you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
