She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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