Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
