Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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