Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
