i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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