I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
