ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
True strength comes from lack of pants
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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