Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
