I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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