She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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