he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think my vagina is haunted
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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