I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
