I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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