hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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