no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
