So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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