I cockslap morals
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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