I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
