So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize