having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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