hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
