I think my vagina is haunted
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
