I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
