There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
