She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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