Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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