All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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