Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
