Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
