One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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