I think I won the penis lottery.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
