Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
