Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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