I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
