Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
