dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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