mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am naked and annoyed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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