I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
