Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
