the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
