I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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