Your mouth is God's brothel.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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