I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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