So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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