Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
