In the future we'll all be gay
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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