He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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