I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
