I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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