I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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