i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
