i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
