It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
