I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
