So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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