My nipple is on Facebook.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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