We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
