I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize