Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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