The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
