so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
