i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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