apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize