I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
