Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
